i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
