I wish I only lived at night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
