I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
