Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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