I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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