I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
