i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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