My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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