If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You took a bar mat shot.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
