our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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