He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
