i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
