You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize