Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
