i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
