sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize