Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We're too hungover to prance.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
