Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
