ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize