its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
