I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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