My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
