I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
do nipples grow back?
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