Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
