textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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