This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
