I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
