after a month anything with tits is on the radar
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You are the jesus of drinking
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
