Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
