Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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