I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
