We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
