bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
