Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
even my farts smell like vagina
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
