so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think i have two assholes
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
