I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
