I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
