Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
