how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
