Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
