I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
