pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
