lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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