You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
