I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
