Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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