I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
