Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize