weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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