how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
