just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
