If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize