i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
