ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
