I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
