and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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