i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
