Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
