I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
