What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
