I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
