Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
