Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
