You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
