JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
