i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
