Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
