my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
