i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
